And Everything is Going Fine

Seeing the Signs and Wonders movie Thursday night was quite an experience....not necessarily because of the things that the guy had to say, but more because he just spoke his life out to whoever was interested in listening. He held practically nothing back describing the stuff he went through and his desires and fears. In doing this, he made me feel as though I actually knew him, not just knew of him, but could think about him and associate his face with a background and a person. Usually comedians or people on talk shows put this face on and act a certain way in order to get people to respond. But this guy was completely himself, and he showed himself to those watching and listening as the quirky, funny, suicidal, sexually obsessed individual that he was. People were given the chance to see him as an entire human being, and respond to that at a deeper level than just at face value.

My response was one of both feeling sorry for him and looking at myself to see how much I hide from the world. How would people react to me if I gave all my secrets away, and would I really want to do something so extreme? It really got me thinking that people judge others based on a limited understanding of that person so much, and I think that if we were all to know everything about each other, there would be a whole lot more sympathy and a whole lot less prideful pointing of fingers. Even though we would have more knowledge of their sins, and therefore more to shove in their faces if we so chose, I honestly think that if you are opened up to like that, you connect with them because you know that there are things about you that you would hate for others to point out and shove in your face. I think that compassion is a lot more natural when you see someone in their most vulnerable state, however repulsed you may be by them.

Saying this, I totally agree with Prof. Leeper when he says that your story tells you, and that is far more powerful than you trying to tell your story. Because if we try to tell our own stories, we're the ones in charge of what goes in and what doesn't, and so we're bound to leave out the dirty details, the things we would rather no one know. And now, having seen this film, I know that it is precisely those messy parts of us that allow others to get more out of our story, because they connect with us at the point of vulnerability.

I don't know exactly how this is meant to be done....I mean there must be a reason for being vulnerable, and so when I create art I want it to flow from my deepest self. But I think it's a process, and something that definitely doesn't come naturally. I'm not going to be able to give my life's whole story to the world like the guy in And Everything is Going Fine did, but I think we can start discovering more about who we are as artists the more we allow ourselves to be vulnerable...